Its been a long few months....
how do you know your when your relationship is going towards the down side when there really isn't anything wrong in particular?

These few months with pas has really tested my patience and my willingness to compromise myself and i tell you i have never in my life attempted this in any relationship before.. and it is really really hard. The worst part about it is, it doesn't seem like all i am doing has any affect on his behavior towards me at all and i feel like i just dug a hole for myself for no what so ever reason!

Today i decided to give it up completely coz he cannot bloody decide what he wants........ the end

yes! going to the beach is very very tiring! hahaha.. I took yuki to a doggie beach! she had so much fun!! but we all got burnt in like an hr! hahhaha and i ended up with a shorts tan!!!.. very tiring!!

i swear my lifestyle is so bad sleeping late late late every night. i haven't seen and spent enough quality time with my friends and the only time i see them is when i am working on friday nights. Most of the times they don't even come out coz they are hermits that rather stay at home!

Recently i have been wondering many things.
1. should i stay in Melbourne with Pas? and pay for an expensive PR application?
2. If i do i have to get a job here and i probably won't be able to go and work in Hong Kong for like another 2 yrs.
3. The hardest decision is i miss my family and my moo.... and i just want to go back and be with them during
harder times...

Too many decisions to make..

I never knew dreams could seem so real.
amanda once told me of lucid dreams and how she felt it was so so real but i never knew..
i didn't have one of those thank goodness but i had a dream i was killed.. i died in a way so gross that
one could only imagine it on the movies such as saw or hostel.

i woke up in a sweat and crying it was crazy.. i've never felt so strange... ugh.... moo.. wish you were here i
would have called you straight away...miss you lots...

i cant wait for spring to come! technically it is spring now but it is still windy at times and taking the puppy out in the cold with the tress swaying violently is not as fun as one would think. Also yesterday was the start of the melbourne show! and from my appartment you can see the races and fireworks every night its going to be such a nice time to entertain friends and family.. if only i had any here.. sigh. This saturday is like pas' best friends bucks night.. man.. i wish i were in japan now so i can totally avoid this horrible night! moo fly me there! i cant believe maek is going to visit you coz i want to come to!

i wish was was melting now wth you coz i am still freezing my butt especially now coz i have to walk like 10 mins to the bus stop! yes me talking a bus to sch hahaa... anyways i told you to bring summer clothes lor! haha good excuse to buy more clothes right you!

ooo.. better go now the sun is finally out! gotta walk the yuki!

This is the second week i am going to be working in the club, honestly when i first got here i thought lowly of the girls that worked in clubs.. they get drunk.. guys all over them blah blah blah... but seriously its not the job but its the person doing the job. Last week i had a really good time i didnt get drunk, had my one malibu pineapple and earned 70 bucks! haha.. oh well. I cant say the same for my boyfriend.. getting drunk everyweek, kissin other girls. I am going to take it for as long as i can. Hahaha.. ultimate payback would be to pretend to do the same!

Well.. this Sunday is pas` best girlfriends wedding and i gotta pay 200 bucks to attend! its the first time i`ve ever had to Pay for a wedding. Hmm.. i guess its because all the others have been my cousins. Anyways i have spent enough time bitching about this to everyone whos going... its completely ridiculous seriously. Sometimes i really do not feel like going, but how can i let my boy go alone.. how embarrassing. oh wells...

Anyways moo moo i hope your enjoying yourself back home now! love!! see ya soon!!!

recently some of joys friends from singapore came down to have a good time! haha some photos of that crazy night!



The happy crew!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! GONG XI FA CHAI!!!! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! GONG XI FA CHAI!!



HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! GONG XI FA CHAI!!!! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! GONG XI FA CHAI!!

every body loves my baby!

sometimes i don't know if i am doing this to myself of if is the other half that just drives me insane.

I feel like i am slowly trying to push him away to prevent myself from getting hurt. Every week on fridays, i seem to get angry all the time. (my way of pushing away) This i know is not me being totally hormonal and everything, but consider this... your boyfriend works at a club, and he takes pictures of everyone and girls cling onto him like i don't know... leaches! and he getes so fricking drunk and comes back at like 4 something all the time.. occasionally with false promises of returning home before 3. Before i use to go out to the club with him... but everyweek i go angry seeing him dancing with someone else. Its not that i dont trust him.. its just that i myself would never do that so naturally i would expect the same thing back, but he's not me and i decided if he wants to do it for me... he will do it on his own will after tellin him about my displeasure... anyways so i decided to put myself out of that situation by not going and sleeping in the seperate room so i would not have to encounter the drunk when he comes home.. but seriously.. i'm still sleepless and still feeling horrible. ( plus last night i asked him not to go.. and he fricking just like completely ignored me! ) i asked him after coming home later than him.. (subconsciously just to worry him) if he heard what i said.. and he said he heard it!

i was so furious and honestly now.... every friday is spent being a third wheel to my darling joy and her wonderful jun and how crap does that feel when your boyfriends is getting drunk with some bitches! Anyways so i told him in his face.. you knw wat! i asked you to stay and you went, then he promised me next week we'll hang out! BUt i dont want to anymore.. do you knw what i mean?? i told him... you've hardened me... i no longer cry when you do this shit to me... and i dont need any favors!! so yeah just do yourself a favor and just work at the club all you want. This morning i get a msg... like nothings happened!!! tell me how infuriating is that!!!

tell me... is it just me? what can i do about it? is breaking up the only result? i'm killing myself by being saddd.. i have no doubt in my mind how much he loves me, and i love him so much... i don't knw wat to do moo....

It has been about a week since i've arrived back in melbourne, about a week before i was to return here, i was so super excited about seeing my baby and how everything was going to be great on my birthday... now.. all i want is to go back home to my mommy and my friends. Life is so much better in singapore and obviously all my friends and cousins are there and i miss them all so much! basically the only person i have here is pas and joy....
sigh i dont knw what to do with this boy.. he makes me happy when i am with him.. but when i'm not.. its a whole different story...
i got into this relationship knowing it was for me to just have fun,.. but... i think all the partying and all has a limit and my boyfriend doesnt seem to have a limit. how am i suppose to see myself growing old with him? i dont want him to be like 3o and still partying like an animal.. it kinda reminds me of my friends frank and sharon and honestly.. their amazing pple and grt as a couple but... i hope never to be like them.
Anyways so to keep me happy.. sometimes i listen to the music car and i listened to when we were crusing ard.. going shopping everyday.. hmm.. ghahah sometimes it makes me sad.. coz shes not here. i'll never find another like the moo.. hee.. shes my bestfriend! hope we can meet up soon woms! hahah go back to singapore for CNY!

oh by the way.. today is australia day.. hmm... doesnt seem grt considering i gotta study.. which i am not doing now! haha.. gotta concentrate!!! miss you all...

Its been 2 weeks since pas has left to Laos and i've been such a mess..
My darling house mate had been a pain! my anatomy exam is tmrw and here she is today fricking smoking up in the living room with the doors closed! i was happily studying in my room.. erm.. not exactly happy more stressed.. but anyways i smell it! gOODNESS! does she want me to learn and study slower or what!
oh well.. so then for the first time in my life i went to sch to study for an exam.. it was so werid and quiet.. shh..
So now i'm back home and there are like 7 people here at the moment and its damn noisy
i will blame her if i fail!
also i saw carline's photos of hawaii/thailand and it makes me just want to fly there and see pas now! but yeah she said it was a stupid idea.. oh well..back to studying!

exams are offically in a week! i am so stressed!
the worst part of it is that pas is going to be away in Laos for 3 weeks..
good and bad in a way.. no distractions.. will be studying 24 hrs a day.
i really havent done that in awhile.. i tell you.. this semesters subjects are killing me. i enrolled into in course called neroscience and i bloody dont knw a thing about it even when i read the text boook!! its gives me a headache!
have to go boil my brains more now.. hope you all are studying hard too. take cares.muah!

Yesterday, i had my first real fight with pas... it was so werid,
i dont knw how to describe it.. i have never been in an argument where i am actually explaining my situation and he is listening. most of the time (pervious relationship) its me being accused and put down.. in the start what made me mad, he turns ard and makes it all my fault.
but this times different. wow.. he actually acts and talks like i do.. like you knw.. like spacing out the not looking at each other.. anyways in the end everything is ok..
why do i feel like i love him less though? i dont feel the same as i did for him 2 days ago. oh well...
i also had a hang out time with joy the whole day yesterday just to keep me out and about.. i never knew how fun it could be! i havent done it in ages! i need my girls! hahahah.
anyways i have finally recovered again... from my horrible illness.. pray it never comes back again! no more 41 deg fevers for me anymore! my brain cannot take anymore frying! umm.. time to eat hah!

Its almost the end of this year,
i have been officially sick 5 times within this semester
i have been to my first dance party (rave) it was freaking awesome!
i have a boyfriend that i think i love him more than he does to me hahah now thats amazing
and i really miss being home and all my friends.
i really miss you guys and i cant wait to see you back home at the end of the year.
now i will attempt to add some photos.. i havent done it in years! so hope you see whats happening here! love you all
AND. miss MOO moo.. please call me.
this is just a nicer photo of me and him but i dont knw the other girl! hee... oh wells.. thats what happens when you have a hot guy.

i'm suppose to be in class now, but its raining like crazy! and my lab partner said shes not going to be coming till later on. so i'm at home guilting guilting now haha.
i Have no idea what i am going to do during my holidays and it kills me!!! i dont want to stay home and do nothing... well i have to study but i'd rather be visiting one of my dearies!
anyways there was a party my roommate annur had on april fools day.. hmm... wait ya i think its on april fools day pics coming up!
welllllllllllllllllllllllll.... i dont fuolly know!! BUT! do you mean just now nod yes if you do ok well. pat sernt like a msn message to annur and he doesnt konw that tarang is here right, so tarang accidentally read it and i think that it was v. personal or explicit or something?!?!
that was elise!!
we're bitching now.... i knowww its awesome hahahahhaahahah... they are sitting so close now!!!! i feel weird!!!!! haha close to us cos we're bitching or clo0se to each other as in gang bang .... hahah as in gang bang!!

at a house party

2nd house party of the night!! hahah yes i'm too happening!! hahah

ok i am finally going to attempt to add my photos!!!!
as you can see i have been trying to have as much fun as i can!! everything besides studying.. gi gi style!
i knw i am flat especially in the nice beach photos.. but please do refrain from staring at nothingness!! hee
much love everyone. i gotta go get ready for my latin street dance class!





super cute horse right? oh and everyone.. thats my friend shuwen!!

i'm playin dai di now.. haha..
hey everyone i miss all of you
i wish i could come home soon
so much has happenned i wish i could tell you all whats going on!
promise we'll all meet when we're back ok!
i went riding today along the beach!!! it was so fun i have many many photos!
haha but i still have to upload them.. sigh.. alright i will soon!! much love!!

i woke up late again today!
i've infuenced my friend kim into doing so too!! shes like super hard working and smart and now shes slacking like me! sigh..
but on the other hand we are like exercising like everyday.. i swear my boobies are major shrinking! how do we not make them shrink!! mine are way to small already!
haha.. moo moo.. when are you goin back to US? i hope i'll be home in time to see you. miss you so much too.. i havent seen you in the longest!
so.. tonight i am suppose to be cookin dinner again.. i dont knw why. but i like cookin for jo and kim... i hate cookin for annur.. it seems like i am the maid.. like she doesnt knw how to cook anything... alst night i asked her to make pineapple rice right! oh my goodness luckly her friend elyse was here to help otherwise we would have been eating crap!!
I NEED TO MOVE OUT!! hahah i've heard the saying nightmare roomates.. i think i have one!!! how are good roomates ment to be?

finally i have come to a conclusion...
i want and am going to move out from this apartment.
i think my roomate is driving me crazy!!! i forget to like turn off the lights like one time and she puts up a post it pad sayin... kay! turn off your lights! cant she just turn it off for me?
i just dont knw how to tell her..
jo kim and i were lookin at apartments today! it was so exciting! it was a three story penthouse with 2 bathrooms for like only 460 a week.. how good is that.. i mean i am paying less now but i realli cannot take it!
sigh... what should i get for shaun!! his birthday is coming up and i only have like 2 weeks till then! i hope he doesnt see this otherwise i'm quite skrewed.. hee.. i told him i have a huge supprise..
anyways all of you my dearies i miss you alot.. and its so strange how we all are progressing and changing without each other.. i was just reading your journals and i feel so excluded.. its kinda weird after how we were all so close once.. i still love all of you.. hope you love me too.. muackz! take care girls. see you soon!!

i cant believe it!! i had 40 photos and i just freekin deleted them!!
on sunday night my friend frankie and his friends were going to a goth club..
so i decided why not go just for the experience.. i freakin dressed up at 6pm with annur.. make up and all..hahah
we even took pictures i was goin to show you before i deleted all of them!! argh!!!
anyways the party was like at 11.. so.. we kinda got tired and changed out and never went.. how stupid right..
oh wells you knw me.

this weekend seems so full of things to do.. for the past few months i've been rotting my ass off at home watchin wild boys and the oc.. and suddenly like 5 events happen in 1 night!! crazy.. 1st.. joy invites me to dinner..2nd my friends invite me to go spanish or latin dancing.. a uni thing.. 3rd thing... i have this indo event to go to now.. no indos thou.. just introducin their culture and stuff.. and.. hmm.. thats about it. so it's three things not 5 hee... argh.. i just wish all my besties were here with me.. and of course my bunnies.

oh oh!! i'm gonna get free cuts from toni and guy.. i dunno how it'll turn out but i hope its good!! hee. i'm quite scared... the appointments on next tues. ah!!

ah.. finally had my chem test today.. was a relief..and then a supposed econs presentation turned out to be like a discussion coz my teacher just couldnt be f'ed... sigh.. he realli sucks!

so things i have left to do...
get my return ticket changed
do all my bio and physics notes
argh... thats alot already

oh mans.. i didnt tell you guys!!
i have a stalker.. well onli in skool premises i think.. he met me... hahha.. when i was handing in my econs assignment.. he asked me when it was due and i was like 'today...' duh.. and supprisingly he didnt finish it.. so.. nvm.. i take the lift back down and start wanderin ard waitin for eugene and annur to come, and for my lect to start. then all of a sudden he pops up again and like starts askin me if he can borrow my stationary!! argh!and sits next to me... then annur doesnt turn up and he follows me into the lecture. thank god i find eugene and like ignore him but he persistantly like askes me if he can borrow this and that.. argh! so irritatin rite.. so today b4 lect i asked melvin to come and sit with me.. argh! and ture to what i felt.. he was waitin outside after my lecture! i just quickly walked away... haha how exciting rite... so freaky

hee.. anyways back to the books.. i hope i dont fall asleep like moo moo there... shes so cute! k love you.. moo moo..just come home for the summer!

i'm moving!! as you all knw.. i have one more week in this mess hole.. how wonderful it would be if it was actually tidy. today it rained while we were lookin for a sofa bed!! apparently a 1000 bucks is expensive but like all the ones i've seen are over 2000!! oh welll.. i'm not paying so skrew it hee.. oh mans!! i cant belive i'm actually going back in june!! so happy! i'm going to study now.. i have a chem test next week! argh! gonna die die.. k.. but i hae to cook dinner first so see ya! yummy buritos comin my way!! hee